Time to kick failure in the balls

I seem to be an expert in "what doesn't work". Anyone else feeling that? I could come up with a million excuses of why life just seems to hand me lemons all the time, who wants to read that? Lordy knows there are plenty of manically depressed teens writing about it every day. But, I'm an adult or supposed to be one at least. My son likes to joke with me that I've been passed down some kind of Irish curse, which my response is always is "Curses are meant to be broken".
I've been many things in life, worn many hats but few are what I would equate to success. As a mother to three kids who I raised entirely by myself, yes, I can say I was successful. Perfect, no, not by any means and made plenty of mistakes, but they survived, as did I and now as adults, our relationship has changed, but stronger than ever.College was a bust. I pursued a degree in law enforcement for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to help people back when I was still green behind the ears and helping people is for social workers, which after some experience in the field, I decided that was definitely NOT what I wanted to do.
In business, if success is to be measured by popularity, I could say, yes, I've been fairly successful. If it is to be measured monetarily, then.. I still haven't found what works. Through my life I have worked as a factory worker, advertising executive, clam digger, administrative assistant, nurses aide, concierge, housekeeper.. the list goes on. At one point I even filleted farm raised salmon for a living. I've never been too proud to take any job, which I suppose sets me apart from others and perhaps in hindsight, it was a mistake. I never went back to school after a lay off because my biggest concern was finding the next available job that would pay the bills. I have never thought any job was beneath me or didn't pay enough to make it "worth my while". Granted, many days I had to drag myself out of bed and hide my tears as I faced another day of back breaking labor or dealing with people who were rude, unkind and just plain mean to people they considered "the help". But going to work everyday and knowing I made an honest effort to make a living seemed like the right thing to do, what I was taught to do by my father growing up. I was never handed anything and never expected to be. All too often I found decent paying jobs out of reach and interviewing is not my strong point. I don't mind working hard, never have, but with the economy the way it is, nepotism is rampant in the work place, making it even harder to find opportunity or the chance to advance once you accept a position.

 I've never been much for schmoozing and although I give 110% at every job, I don't socialize around the water cooler, play golf or go for drinks after work. Perhaps that is my biggest downfall. Outstanding career opportunities are limited for introverts like me. I'm smart enough to know I'll never get rich working for someone else anyhow, I'm just making them rich. So what am I doing?? I'm over 40 and working in a ridiculous job, that by all means appears to be " a good job" but really, I spend more of my paycheck repairing my car that is required for the job and I don't get reimbursed for that. It does have it's perks, I work mostly alone and without someone breathing down my neck which I like, but for what? To continue to struggle financially? To be unable to tuck away any kind of savings or retirement money? I already assumed, like my father, I would probably work to the day I died, but I had hoped to do it out of choice, not necessity.  It is time to make some changes.

“No one is going to hand me success. I must go out & get it myself. That’s why I’m here. To dominate. To conquer. Both the world, and myself.” 

I'm writing and writing and writing. It is the one thing other than photography I am truly passionate about. Both are challenging. Both are hard work. But, I truly believe that I can be a success with my writing, I need to stop complaining, stop trying to sell and market my books and just write. Fortunately, technology has not yet come up with affordable equipment that can turn anyone with a couple hundred dollars to spare into a "writer". Of course, I'm going to pitch my books here, but more so, I'm making a commitment to myself to start writing every single day. I was a little lost with blogging. I admit it. I felt like I had to write about one subject or genre, but where did I get the idea there was rules for writing? There are no rules. If you, the readers like what you read, you'll come back. You'll want more. Maybe this blog won't interest you, maybe the next 30 blogs I write won't, but one day, you'll see something and go.. hmmm.. this looks interesting and perhaps you will tell a friend or share it online and it is then and only then that I may find my success as a writer. 
Perhaps I can start you off with a little selection of what I already have available on Kindle through Amazon,
you can order any of these titles directly from me on Amazon by clicking -->>HERE!

 

Dear Stress, I think it's time we broke up.

There are Five Rules for Life my Dad taught me. 

• Money can't buy you happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on the sidewalk. 
• Forgive your enemy, but always remember the bastards name. 
•  Help someone when they are in trouble, and they will remember you next time they are in trouble. 
• Some people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them. 
• Alcohol does not solve problems, but neither does milk. 

  

Thank goodness I have a sense of humor, 

because this week was one I was truly thankful I had one.

Closing the store has been bittersweet. Amazingly we have had tons of business, but because everything is so discounted, it's only breaking even, but on the positive side, I'm not losing money, at least at the store. 

Last week, while not only dealing closing my business, I was also stuck with tying up the ends of my dealings with an unsavory business associate (who I can positively say, thought she was starring in her own real life, adult version of Mean Girls), AND THEN, my 15 year old car just died. No choking and sputtering, no bright orange flickering check engine light, it just DIED.. and coasted to a stop, conveniently in the middle of a snowstorm, in a place with no houses within walking distance or cell phone service for miles. I sat for over two hours until finally someone stopped.. and was able to request help from my blue, teeth chattering frozen lips. After getting warm, I was able to call my roadside assistance and get a tow to a mechanic station, but it was going to be hours as all service stations where backed up with the icy roads and multiple accidents. Thankfully, relying on the kindness of strangers worked that day and I was able to get a lift 35 miles to wait in the warmth and comfort of my home while I tried to make arrangements for another vehicle as, my life story is, no vehicle, no job, no pay-check, we don't eat. 

After eight days, the part my mechanic was 80% sure.. there was some hesitation and questioning about it, arrived and some $400 later, I have my money grubbing fifteen year old car back. Evidently, it just wasn't enough for her that I just put $300 of repairs in her last week and another $600 the month before. 

Of course, in my eight days of being without my car, my customers who are accustomed to seeing my white sedan every day, were curious as to why I was driving a multi-colored, late model jukebox on wheels. It seemed every day, someone would helpfully suggest that I just buy a new car. I smiled, thanked them for such a good idea and putted along on my way. It didn't seem to occur to them that if I could AFFORD a new car, I would be driving one. Between rent, student loans, insurance, food. there just isn't money for a car payment. I don't understand how people do it. I don't do anything but work, only window shop, admiring but not buying, I never eat out or buy those $5 coffees at all the trendy places. I bring lunch from home in my little vintage metal lunchbox and coffee comes from a Thermos that I fill every morning half awake while I wait for the car to get warm enough I don't literally freeze my butt to the seat. 

When I picked up my car from the mechanic, he too, suggested I get another car. Last I knew, dealerships don't accept a pretty smile and a hair toss as payment, especially when it comes from a woman who is obviously not twenty anymore.. or for that matter even thirty anymore. I've started car searching, for something used, yet reliable but not a fortune. Guess what? They are hard to find.   

I'm trying to breathe... deep breaths.. I am trying to not be cynical when I see a relative who has never worked, lives off SSI and food stamps, driving up the road in her brand new 2013 Dodge something or other. I'm trying not to be frustrated or feel sorry for myself. I'm trying not to shove my books down the throats of everyone who follows my blog, my twitter or my website, but in all reality, it is my talents that I feel will bring me greater success than working hard for someone else making them money. I had even debated about starting a fundraiser~ I mean, I see people start crowd funding goals for fake boobs. I'm not asking for some Double D's~ I just want a vehicle that runs and drives and allows me to go to work everyday.  So, if you are reading this~ order a book, download it to kindle or share it with someone who might be interested in one of my titles. It would help me and the only thing I can really promise is you would never have to read another blog post from me complaining about the money-hungry white monster sitting in my driveway awaiting to devour my next paycheck! 

I know it will all work out in the end and this is only temporary, but if your willing to listen to me vent, it helps~ And thank you!!

Order any one of my titles here!